Oh Rats
by Red Witch
Summary: Commander Walsh has another bad day at BETA. And Bubblehead and QBall aren't making it any easier for him.


**Something ran off with the disclaimer saying I don't own any Galaxy Rangers characters. I just had some crazy Commander Walsh torture that needed to get out. **

**Oh Rats**

"Let's see…" Commander Walsh went over the files in his office. "We have Rangers Foxx and Hartford investigating suspected Crown Activity in Sector Seven. Rangers Gooseman and Niko investigating the latest activity by the Black Hole Gang on Bistee Fenokee. We have reported sightings of Slade in Sector Five. Reports of the Supertroopers supposedly blowing up an entire planet…"

"Hello Joe! What do you know?" Bubblehead the defective memory bird that had adopted Goose chirped as he flew in.

"But of course the most dangerous problem is at **home,**" Walsh groaned. "Bubblehead why are you here?"

"Why are we here? Why is anyone here? What is our purpose in the universe?" Bubblehead blinked as he hopped on Walsh's head.

"In your case it's to drive me out of my mind," Walsh growled. "Why do you constantly torture me when Goose isn't here?"

"Because Goose **isn't **here, duh!" Bubblehead gave him a look.

"Of course, why didn't I think of **that?**" Walsh snapped. "And why the hell haven't I ordered you to be disassembled a long time ago?'

"Because you're nice and kind?"

"No."

"Because you really like me? You really, really like me?"

"No."

"Because you like birdies?"

"Only with barbecue sauce and French Fries."

"Because I'm the only thing that keeps Goose from tearing up the place sometimes?" Bubblehead blinked.

"That's it," Walsh sighed. "I must admit since you got here Goose has actually left some targets on the target practice range for the rest of us!"

"That's because Goose and I talk to each other," Bubblehead hopped on the desk. "Pets are therapeutic."

"Or they just send you to a therapist!" Walsh growled.

"Goose likes you. I like you! We're one big happy family!" Bubblehead chirped.

"Wonderful…" Walsh rolled his eyes.

_"We are family…"_ Bubblehead sang. _"I am Bubblehead and you're Goose's Daddy!"_

"WHAT?" Walsh's eyes bulged out and he grabbed the bird. "WHERE DID YOU HEAR THAT?"

"Hear what?" Bubblehead blinked.

"That I'm Goose's father! Who **said **that?" Walsh growled. "And **think** before you speak bird! For they may be your **last words!"**

"You're Goose's daddy? Mazeltov!" Bubblehead chirped. "You know that does explain a few things…"

"NO! NO! NO!" Walsh shouted. "I AM NOT…"

"COMMANDER!" Q-Ball screamed as he ran into the office, followed by Buzzwang. "We have a crisis! A crisis!"

"Not now…" Walsh tried to strangle Bubblehead. "I'm busy!"

"Whoa!" Bubblehead managed to get loose. "Hey guys guess what the Commander is?"

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Walsh shouted.

"He's Goose's Washing Machine Repair Guy!" Bubblehead chirped. He blinked. "I got that right didn't I?"

"Close enough…" Walsh groaned.

"Commander we don't have time for you to be playing with Bubblehead!" Buzzwang said. "We have a real emergency here! We've been invaded!"

"Invaded!" Walsh startled. "The Queen of the Crown?"

"No…" Q-Ball whined.

"Slade?"

"No," Buzzwang said.

"Supertroopers?" Walsh asked.

"Oh my no," Buzzwang said.

"Members of the Black Hole Gang? The General? Scarecrow?" Walsh went down the list. "Pirates…? Nimrod?"

"No," Buzzwang said. "None of them."

"A flock of memory birds?" Bubblehead asked.

"For the love of all that's holy, please say **no!**" Walsh groaned.

"No," Q-Ball shook his head nervously.

"Praise the Lord…" Walsh groaned. "Well then what is it? Speak up!"

"It's worse than any of those things!" Q-Ball cried out.

"It's not some kind of interdimensional monster is it?" Walsh asked.

"Not really," Q-Ball whined.

"It's not Marrok's stupid toys again?" Walsh asked.

"No, no! No!" Q-Ball howled. "It's worse! It's a rat!"

"Come again?" Commander Walsh gave Q-Ball a harsh look.

"A rat! A big rat is in my lab and I need someone to get it out!" Q-Ball squealed like a little girl.

"Are you freaking **kidding **me?" Walsh roared. "ARE YOU FREAKING OUT OF YOUR MIND?"

"No, **I'm **the one that's out of my mind," Bubblehead told him. "I know it's confusing with all the characters around here but try to keep up will ya?"

"A rat?" Walsh snapped, the tone in his voice indicated that he was more than annoyed. "You're worried about a **rat **invading BETA?"

"It's a really big rat…" Q-Ball whined.

"Guess you don't watch too many Disney cartoons huh?" Bubblehead chirped.

"Get out of here!" Walsh snapped. "All of you! I have enough to deal with other than listening to your whining!"

"But…" Buzzwang began.

"Now!" Walsh snapped. He shoved Bubblehead at Buzzwang. "And take this overgrown feather duster with you!"

"But Daddy…" Bubblehead whined.

"On second thought…" Walsh groaned.

He didn't get to finish his sentence because Q-Ball started screaming as soon as he poked his head out the door. "AAAAAHH!" He screamed and hid under Walsh's desk.

"Q-BALL FOR CRYING OUT LOUD!" Walsh snapped.

"IT'S IN THE HALL! IT'S IN THE HALL!" Q-Ball screamed. "IT FOLLOWED ME DOWN THE HALL!"

"Buzzwang! Go kill the stupid rat!" Walsh snapped.

"But sir I am not programmed to take any life," Buzzwang blinked.

"Too bad I think you just stepped on an ant," Bubblehead chirped.

"NOOOOOOOO!" Buzzwang cried out. "NO! NO! NO! BAD BUZZWANG! BAD BAD BUZZWANG!"

"It's just a raisin you robotic twit!" Walsh snapped.

"I KILLED A RAISIN! NOOOOOOOOO!" Buzzwang cried out loud.

"Fine! **I** will handle it!" Commander Walsh snapped before he stormed out of his office. "I'm only the freaking commander of BETA! Just the man who runs the damn place! It's not like I have **anything else** to do around here! Nothing **better** to do! So **why not** go kill a rat in order to save some time?"

"I told you he wouldn't mind," Buzzwang said cheerfully. "Wait! Why am I so happy? I killed a poor defenseless raisin!"

"Raisins aren't alive Buzzwang," Q-Ball explained as he poked his head out from under the desk.

"Then how do you explain them dancing around in those little commercials?" Bubblehead blinked.

"Yeah!" Buzzwang added. "How do you explain that?"

"I'm starting to see why Commander Walsh has taken up drinking," Q-Ball sighed.

Commander Walsh calmly walked back into the office. "Okay in the first place Q-Ball, you might have **mentioned **that the rat in question was about ten feet tall and approximately two hundred pounds. That might have figured into the equation on how I was going to handle this."

BOOOOOM!

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!"

"Not to mention have the ability to shoot lasers from it's eyes and being impervious to blaster fire," Walsh groaned. "I'm going to take a wild guess here. This rat was one of your experiments wasn't it?"

"Yeah and now it wants revenge!" Q-Ball gulped.

"SQUEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAK!"

"Just so I get the entire picture here…" Walsh ran his fingers through his continually graying hair. "What exactly were you working on when this happened?"

"A new weight loss pill," Q-Ball said. "I really thought I was onto something there."

"No, no you kind of over missed your mark," Walsh said sarcastically. "Your invention adds weight, and height…"

BOOOOOOM!

"And the ability to shoot lasers from your eyes," Bubblehead blinked as a huge purple rat like creature stuck its head into the hole it made in the wall.

"I was getting to that," Walsh groaned. "And now that thing is going to get us thanks to your screw up!"

"Wow a huge disaster and I had nothing to do with it," Bubblehead blinked. "NOT FAIR!"

"I'm sure you'll be responsible for the **next one** Bubblehead," Buzzwang said cheerfully.

"I knew I should have listened to my mother and become a dentist!" Q-Ball hid under the desk again.

"BAD MOUSIE!" Bubblehead shrieked as he flew towards the rat. "I'M THE ONLY ONE THAT GETS TO BLOW UP STUFF HERE!"

"Bubblehead no! You'll be destroyed!" Buzzwang called out.

"Oh wouldn't **that **be a shame?" Walsh grinned. Then he did a double take. "I don't believe it!"

"SQUEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAK!" The rat creature ran in fear away from the rampaging Bubblehead.

"It's afraid of **Bubblehead?**" Buzzwang blinked. "I guess the rat is nothing but a fraidy cat!"

CRASH! SMASH!

"HA HA HA HA HA!" Bubblehead cackled with glee.

"Oh my they really are making a mess out there," Buzzwang said as he poked his head out the hole to see what's going on.

"And to think I **hold onto** so many secrets just to **keep** this never ending nightmare I call a career," Commander Walsh moaned. "I wish I would get fired! Then I could have a nice long peaceful nervous breakdown!"


End file.
